Many students are afraid of the dirtiness of school bathrooms, and I must admit that, in my younger years, I myself made the long journey from Goodwin to Goldrick in search of a clean can. Some students have been known to be in such vehement opposition to school bathrooms as to choose the potted plants in the library over stall in the restroom (according to two reliable eye witnesses and one squeezer).
Several others, apparently seeing no options, have opted for the floor of the field house bathroom rather than use the sloppy sewage not ten feet away. This is simply preposterous, although the practice has proven to be a money maker for certain members of our grade.
Let me assure you, the physical and emotional toll of “holding it in is not worth it, nor is the possible social toll when you just can’t hold it any longer, note that Jeff Hurray now wears compression shorts even out of sports season.
This being said, I understand that some of you will never overcome your Parcopresis (fear of taking a two in public places). That is why I will let you in on a secret that until now has been known only to a select few (who meet J-blocks at a location to be disclosed later). Imagine a place in school where you could turn on the comically mislabeled “lites lock the door, and imagine you’re at home, evacuating your bowels in peace in privacy. Many have heard its name whispered, but few know the truth. Is it a certain teacher’s room? No, but close. This magical place is the pair of single sex, single toilet bathrooms (location undisclosed). Don’t let the sign on the door that threatens armed response to any non-authorized personnel discourage you. You will never be forced to evacuate while evacuating. In fact, if the bathroom of your choosing is taken, don’t even let the gender signs discourage you from going the other way and experimenting with your digestive identity.
Once inside, you will find all you could have hoped for and more, from a wide array of herb-scented hand soaps to a restoration 15th century Turkish tile design on the floor and oriental rugs on the walls. Indeed, this is a bathroom fit for a king. And indeed there is a king: a jealous tyrant of a king who wishes to hoard the wonderful wash closet for himself.
Should the gutter guardianwitness you leaving the lavatory, you will be berated and your face posted for security personnel to know you in the future.
The washroom watcher may even use scare tactics, telling you about the horrors of losing limbs in automobile plants. Don’t be afraid, no matter what he tells you (however inexplicably out of context it is), this is America and all people should be privy to the same privies.
There are some tricks you should watch out for. If taking a poo in the other gender’s loo, you should be careful not to answer if the door is knocked on as your voice is a dead give away that you are not where you belong.
Also, getting comfortable in this comfort station is a definite no; high fiber diets are a good way to assure a quick in and out.
Finally, teachers keep an eye out for anyone who is sweating anywhere near the bathroom, so this outhouse may be off limits for anyone who has recently eaten spicy foods.
For those of you brave enough to join me and the Fight Against Restricted Toilets (FART), the risk is well worth the reward (unless you get caught).
P.S. Please forward any questions to Adam Sachs via Honesty Box. His dad told him HE could sell the Poop Tube.]]>
The volume began with that semi-awkward Article Ideas meeting at Amrita’s house where we surprised you all with your favorite flavors of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Remember, we covertly hid the ice cream flavor question in amongst other weirder ones in our first staff-wide email? “Do you sleep with a stuffed animal at night? “What’s your favorite season? and of course, “Best Ben and Jerry’s flavor? But don’t worry, we know we’ve gotten weirder since then.
Vol49 managed to produce what was arguably the first March issue in the history of Denebola that didn’t suck, and the epicness continued for all glorious eight issues afterward. So let’s recount the g00d timez, shall we?
We know that staying here past our bedtimes may seem entirely unappealing to the unseasoned outsider, but you can’t tell us that receiving 10 orders of scallion pancakes a night and the occasional ice cream cake in return for your efforts isn’t worth it. You just can’t.
No one quite knows how it happened, but we got through Grad unscathed. If anyone who’s not a Denebola veteran is reading this, we’re gonna do a little analogy, old school SAT-style. Grad is to Denebola as Wednesday is to the school week: the hump. Once you get through Grad you can do anything (though you still won’t be able to figure out what the status of the Book Review is). And now it’s time to brag a little. Not only were we unscathed, we made the biggest Grad issue in Denebola history. THE biggest (that’s what she said). And yes, Jesse, the front page did look better after you made their heads all the same size, we’ll admit it now.
The blackbird may sing in the dead of night, but he also came flying into 9202 one unassuming spring weekend paste-up when Mr. White decided to open the window. Sadly, only JSklar and JYoffe were here to see that go down, but we assure you our fearless advisor is fully capable of trapping a live, wild bird in a plastic bag.
We never used the phrase “SO THUG more than when we were copy-editing Fold, Feats wins for most cohesive section, and thanks to News for always being so prompt during Monday night send-ups (no, but we do love you guys. Seriously).
We laid pages to the rhythm of Alex’s persistent percussion and beatboxing, and Justin’s smile and BALLIN’ ad-getting were all we needed to de-stress ourselves in the midst of some classic Denebochaos, like the time the printer would only print in alien language (oh wait, it still does that. NICE!).
Now for the sappy part of our farewell (you knew it was coming, so no tears, please). The first time we had to stand up in front of the homeroom and yell at you guys to get ad$ was weird. We didn’t feel like your leaders; we were just some scrawny kids at South. But just like we grew up and learned how to run a paper, you guys grew up with us, learned how to make a paper.
We won’t lie. When we sat down to make the staff list last February, we had NO idea if this volume would work. What could we expect from a volume assembled primarily, and unnervingly, of first-timers? But what we found in this very same staff was a family. A weird, and really dysfunctional, but legitimate and loving family, too. We’ve definitely come a long way as a volume with regard to the paper, but also with regard to our relationships with one another.
We got to know each other so well that we could predict Tango Mango or Starbucks orders even before someone placed it and driving each other home in the middle of the night was practically expected. We knew whose phone was ringing from across the room based solely on ringtone.
So here’s to The Big Fifty coming up behind us. We’re not a track team (nor is Denebola a locker room), but we’re passing the baton. It’s been fun, but it’s time for us to go, so peace out, snitches. ILY, The SEs.
Oh, and never forget that Robbie’s soft spot is his velcro’€you will thank us for this tip later.]]>
He has been on Varsity for four years, and of those four years he has started for three.
Walker contributes to the team on both sides of the ball as he plays center on the offensive line and defensive tackle on the defensive line.
He received Dual League County (DCL) All-Star honors last season.
Walker claims that the team has endured a change in mentality, and he attributes that change to the coaches.
“There are a lot of new coaches, and they are all knowledgeable and really care about the team, he said.
The new turf fields have also contributed to the Lions’ success this season, according to Walker.
“It feels a lot better when you look up in the stands and realize that you are playing for your school pride, Walker said.
Senior Isaac Freedman is another standout player on the Lions’ team. He has been a starter for three years and a two-year two-way starter.
His teammates and coaches hold him in high regard as he was honored as the best player on both the offensive and defensive lines last season. In addition to receiving honors within the team, Freedman was also recognized as one of the best players in the DCL.
This year, Freedman is playing left guard, defensive end, and middle linebacker.
Senior Willie Allen had an outstanding campaign last year as the team’s leading receiver and former quarterback Derek Russell’s favorite target.
This year he has followed up with another strong showing.
So far, he has caught three touchdown passes and is one of the top scorers in Division I A.
Junior Jarrett Atkinson is the sole non-senior captain on the team.
Though young, he knows what must be done to get the team in shape to produce quality results. He may still have much to learn, but his strong leadership skills will carry the team when the Class of 2010 departs.
The four captains are working hard to lead the team through a strong season.
Not only have they developed their playing skills throughout their years on the team, but they have also learned leadership values.
The Lions have endured many struggles over past years, but this has forced the current captains to push through and help the team reach its potential.
The football team looks toward success and hopes to build off increased student support this year, a result of strong leadership and the opening of the turf fields.]]>
Ever since then, she’s been through everything from a messy marriage (and an even messier custody battle after splitting with Kevin Federline) to a mental breakdown when she shaved off all her hair.
Spears continued to party with infamous stars like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, becoming dangerously involved in the Hollywood drug and alcohol scene.
After her chaotic lifestyle brought her to the edge, Spears took a step out of the limelight to recuperate and work on her latest album, Circus. Released December 1, 2008, Spears climbed the charts with singles like “Circus, “Womanizer, and “If U Seek Amy. The album title inspired the theme for Spears’ 2009 tour.
The Circus tour proved to be a success even before it hit the road’€shows sold out quickly as faithful fans jumped at the opportunity to purchase tickets. Thousands poured into the stadium as soon as the doors opened, waiting restlessly for the much-anticipated performance to begin.
The Pussy Cat Dolls opened the show, and their energetic performance revved up the crowd’s energy. The Pussy Cat Dolls weren’t just an opening act, but a bonus performance itself. The band played old favorites like “Don’t Cha and new songs including “I Hate this Part and “Jai Ho, a song featured in the film Slumdog Millionaire.
In between the two acts, the circus-themed show began with various performers exhibiting uni-cycling and balancing acts. Then, calmness settled over the fans as they waited for an entrance by Spears that was sure to thrill.
The crowd erupted as Spears and a posse of dancers dropped from the ceiling to the stage. Spears jumped right into “Circus. As expected, the fans provided much of the live vocals, while Spears perfected her lip-syncing skills.
The excitement and intricate dance routines (with frequent costume changes) made the performance a success. Fans screamed along to all Spears’s hits, which included songs from her new album as well as older numbers like “Hit Me Baby One More Time, “Me Against the Music, and “Toxic.
The Circus Tour will continue through the spring and will end in Connecticut on May 2.
Fans are still going to great lengths to buy tickets to the sold-out shows.
Spears’s tour is putting her name on magazine pages in a context she and her fans can be proud of: she has redeemed her title as the “Queen of Pop ¦again.]]>