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The Award-Winning, Official School Newspaper of Newton South High School, Newton, MAFri, 17 Jun 2011 02:00:19 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2View from the Top: Jeff Hurray, Colby Medoff, Adam Sachs, and Maarten van Genabeek
http://www.denebolaonline.net/2011/03/23/view-from-the-top-jeff-hurray-colby-medoff-adam-sachs-and-maarten-van-genabeek/#commentsWed, 23 Mar 2011 05:26:37 +0000Jeff Hurrayhttp://www.denebolaonline.net/?p=5674Underclassmen: We feel the best way to give you advice on your journey through South is to share a recent diary entry of ours.
Haa y’dah? It’s been a long time since we last talked. The past week sure was action packed.
There was so much action! To our knowledge, it has been a South senior pastime to act out Lord of the Rings scenes. So, we were reenacting the siege of Helm’s Deep in my friend Alex’s basement, trying to resist the Newton bubble. We were chilling…
The Orcs advanced from Isenbach-gard (OMG how is Ecuador????), all bearing the mark of the white hand of Kurland-man. Fear and famine struck us on the first night. Luckily, no one was hungry for the being.
On the second day, we were saved! Smeagol made a pizza…ha haaa, she was hungry. But alas, we were attacked by general turtle and his army of goofy-haired Orcs.
Shoot, what a dingus! Little did he know that we too had a secret weapon, the invincible Rolando. Trained as a “junior UFC,” he crushed General Turtle’s army with his Brazilian might…stupid snoils.
Night fell and silence took the deep. The oracle’s voice echoed through the stone walls, posing the most crucial and philosophical of questions: Who is the sexiest girl of Brown ‘07? Why is Colby in the class of 2011?
These questions were too much for our feeble hobbit minds to handle, so we left Alex’s basement to get food.
We craved cereal, but the measly portions of milk allowed by our otherwise gracious host forced us to go out to eat. We took the T to Anna’s Tacqueria. It was pretty good.
But enough of this tomfoolery; we had to get back to the most pressing issues: Helm’s deep was under attack and the people of Rohan needed our help!
We realized that the key to victory was addressing the Oracle’s questions. We determined the first question was pointless and not worth addressing–everyone knows the Brown ‘07 girls are equally attractive.
But the second question: oh how it loomed over our minds…We fell into a deep sleep, and in our dreams we saw a trio of seductive temptresses.
It was at this moment that our dream was encompassed by moisture.
They swooped in on a dragon’s back, and introduced themselves: “I am the Red Fox. These are my sisters, Horned Toad and Snow Owl. If you seek to answer the Oracle’s question, you must first cite all of your sources.”
Not having access to EasyBib in Alex’s basement, we were at a loss.
It was the fourth night, and we decided to seek council with our lord and savior, Grace Ross. She informed us that on the dawn of the fifth day, we should look to the east and we would be saved from the vicious army of Orcs frolicking outside.
Awaking on the dawn of the fifth day, we followed her gubernatorial edict and looked to the east. Low and behold, a door flew open and there he was, Marc, the father of our friend Alex, riding his glorious white steed Cali.
He yelled to us, “What the hell are you still doing in my basement? It’s been five days!” He kicked us all out, but we knew that deep down inside he wanted to play LOTR too.
We left in satisfaction, knowing we had defeated the Orcs, and completed our quest. All was well in the shire.
It should honestly be pretty obvious how this applies to your current and future lives at South. If not, find the red fox; she will show you the way.