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Clash of the lions: Seniors

By Maarten Van-Genabeek
Published: November 2010

As senior year passes by, people start to forget how much work they have applying to colleges. At about this time, the light at the end of the tunnel is in sight.
There is nothing more satisfying than reminding the grade below us that we in fact rule the school. We can finally taste the victory that was so wrongly taken from us last year.
I am of course talking about juniors who think they’re so cool with their fresh licenses and brand new cars (they still have to park on Brandeis Road), and the very same juniors who think it’s cool eat lunch in the cafeteria, or for a matter of a fact in the school (Uburger anyone?).
So without any further ado, here’s the lowdown on this year’s lineup of superstars.
Chloe Rothman: She recently received surgery to put an actual cannon in her arm. Think we’re joking? We’ll see you in the end zone. Rumors say that Tom Brady grew his hair out so she could replace him on clutch fourth down conversions. It’s ok, her secret is safe with us.
Celia Kaufer: Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, superman is not the one I’m talking about; if you thought so you are sadly mistaken. She’s said to be suffering from a concussion, but that’s only to level the playing field.
Kendall Burton: With 100 percent intimidation, Burton received a 100 percent scholarship to Villanova. Expect 100 percent of the junior team to be found in the trainer’s office at the end of the game.
Defense: The defense is willing to risk all its teeth this year to win, following the addage, “offense wins games, but defense wins championships.
Chem TA’s: Under the supreme wisdom of Alan Crosby, they have developed “Chemical X. It is time to turn our Powderpuff girls into the Powerpuff Girls.
Senior Factor: res ipsa loquitor (for those not civilized enough, “it means the thing speaks for itself).
Looks like this year is set for yet another senior victory, fina11y.

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