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Hard Times for Halloween

Posted By Alexandra Fen On October 28, 2010 @ 6:03 am In Editorials and Opinions | Comments Disabled

As October comes to a close, I find that all my friends are making plans for costumes and activities, while neglecting to respect the spirit of Halloween. Swept up by a sense of nostalgia, I compiled a few complaints about how our generation has managed to distort this cherished holiday…and then some others just for the sake of complaining.
First and foremost: my friends don’t go trick-or-treating anymore.
That is something I really don’t understand. When is there ever a time to solicit candy from strangers without voluntarily endangering yourself? So this year, while my friends toil away endlessly at their Common Apps the night of October 31 (for what, if not trick-or-treating, would they ever be doing?), I’ll be getting my Reese’s on.
My second complaint is that Halloween is on a Sunday this year. Either festivities be moved to the day before, or Mr. Norton is going to have to stock up on trash bags for my B-Block Religion in Literature class: kids these days just don’t have the stomach for that much candy.
Thirdly, for all those Sen11rs eager to dive headfirst into slumpage and watch everyone else squirm until April Fools, November 1–that is, the day after Halloween–is the Early Decision deadline for many colleges and universities.
Sending in your application minutes before midnight and after one too many candy bars is unwise, to say the least.
Speaking of lollege, once the newly uploaded albums are plastered over newsfeeds nation wide, we’re all going to want to follow in Koolaidria TR’s liberating footsteps.
While I’m on the topic of senior livin’, is the Newton South Police Department making a comeback this year? Plastic handcuffs are not only suggestive but also effective. I guess it was really exclusive or something last year–hope I make the cut!! There is no better way to unite the female half of your grade than to exclude three quarters of it, and demand that those inferior have “the right to remain silent.
By the end of October, Massachusetts is well into its fall season.
As it’s really awkward if you’re out and costumed before nightfall–make sure to look both ways before you cross the street!!! Temperatures will likely have dropped to the 40′s (4.4C, 277.6K) by the time you step out. Subjecting your bare flesh (ladies) to the harsh, biting winds of autumn is to slap your immune system across the face. Fishnets are not a form of coverage for your legs; but I’m sure the skin, collectively amounting to roughly 2 square centimeters, underneath the criss-crossing threads is as happy as can be.
Moreover, costumes these days are pitiful. Exhibit one: Bubblegum pink spandex unitards are obscene.
We’re still deciding whether tribute was being paid to the Pink Panther or Breast Cancer Awareness. Exhibit two: “Pink-collar do-ups are degrading (i.e. nurse, corporate gardening tool, teacher); Rosie the Riveter is choking on her own vomit.
A certain flight attendant can attest to that–that is, if she’s not still stumbling around Winston Road. Final exhibit: Boys don’t dress up. Fun factor: Lame.
I say we all channel our inner AP Euro student and draw inspiration from the literature we read in school.
Dibs on Holden Caulfield (I has me one of them hats).
Modern adaptations of Hawthorne’s Hester Prynne do not count.
So while clicking though Naviance scattergrams and adding those final touches to your Common App activities list, expect me at your front door, clad in a plaid hunting hat and multiple layers, with a cultural twist here and there…

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URL to article: http://www.denebolaonline.net/2010/10/28/hard-times-for-halloween/

URLs in this post:

[1] South student observes Halloween as a religious holiday: http://www.denebolaonline.net/2009/10/21/south-student-observes-halloween-as-a-religious-holiday/

[2] New England’s fall pastimes: http://www.denebolaonline.net/2010/10/28/new-englands-fall-pastimes/

[3] Oktobterfest is wunderbar: http://www.denebolaonline.net/2007/09/23/oktobterfest-is-wunderbar/

[4] V-Day B-day: http://www.denebolaonline.net/2010/02/10/v-day-b-day/

[5] Film Review: The Social Network: http://www.denebolaonline.net/2010/10/28/film-review-the-social-network/

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