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View from the Top: Ted Tsien

By Ted Tsien
Published: May 2010

Sup dawg, I’m special, so listen to me.  I’m writing this sentence because every View from the Top requires a pinch of metatextuality in the form of complaining about voluntarily contributing 500 words to Denebola.  Whooo, third sentence!

Anyways, you can probably tell from the photo (the attire, the car, the stance, etc.) that I’m a senior.  Aaaand seniors preach to the masses because we have nothing better to do.

Now, I’ve got to assert my authority, don’t worry, I’ll empathize with you later.  I could be renowned in the grade for my unnaturally high tolerance, my prolific connections in Boston, or my plethora of exploits.

Prowess in any of those three areas entitles me to: writing the View from the Top and fame that I know will expire when I go off to college.  [Insert inside joke!].

I am a senior, ergo better than you, we are all special, blah blah blah, and in the end, I’ve said nothing or restated common sense.

Well, that is about to change.

I will write the greatest View from the Top that Denebola will ever publish, for I have experience in all these things.

All of the self-proclaimed masters of society that contributed before me are total n00bs when it comes to giving advice.

And besides, who said that their “society was the best?  I can probably continue this scatological affair to better myself through disrespecting others but I’ll have contradicted myself in my promise to break from the mold.  Alrightey, the advice that you’ve been waiting for (they really didn’t have this in my day):

1. Don’t be a fool
2. There aren’t any people who know everything, only those who delude themselves.  There are, however smart people.  Hint: Half of being smart is knowing what you are dumb about.
3. You don’t need extracurriculars to live, but what a poor life it would be without them.
4. Don’t do coffee.  It tastes like crap and you’ll end up lookin’ like a tool for imitating Weintraub.
5. It’s a clinically diagnosed mad world out there –your problems are average.
6. Anything not about elephants is irrelephant.
7. Size doesn’t matter.  Unless you’re talking about packages–then it’s a joke.
8. Do well in school if you aren’t in anything else, because if you “don’t have a life at least have the grades to prove it.  C’mon we’re in Newton.
9. You can never have too many friends.  Gotta Catch ‘ËœEm All!
10. All you need is love.  Love of explosives.
11. Chase your dreams, but don’t if you’re a unicorn.
12. Your actions speak louder than your words, unless you’re a ninja.
13. Disregard “seniors and have fun.  Because within the next three years, you guys will be on top, and maybe when the balance is just right, you too may be tapped to hastily throw together an article for Denebola.

That’s it Newton South, move on to your next class, and in the words of another Edward, goodnight and good luck.

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