View from the Top: Jason Green and Lucas Walker

By Denebola
Published: April 2010

View from the Top is a tradition that allows seniors to express saliant aspects of their experience at Newton South High School, and it also provides timely, ah, sage advice to the underclassmen.

Unfortunately for current readers, so far you have not been able to obtain the elite perspective. Don’t worry, it’s our turn.

As high end members of the senior class we are here to give you dweebs extraordinary service. This offering is so jam-packed it cannot be topped, not even by the full-length Graduation issue version. Our advice comes in the form of apt tips and fun-loving tricks to think about during your years at South.

Freshman year: be a member of the JV football team. Then find a house you can go to weekend after weekend with a phenomenal set of parents, especially a great mother and, perhaps, in law enforcement. Love you Stace;). Is there a Senior girl looking for someone to mentor, perhaps she can drive you to Sox games or help you sail out of Newport. Get Docksiders. White ducks. Whatever.

Don’t sweat small miscalculations; it’s all experience, trust all things will work out in your favor. If your mom comes home and finds that you are throwing a party of several hundred close friends, don’t try and run away. Confess, it’s good for your character.

Sophomore year should be a year of experimentation of all types. Test the limits; off-roading with carts at the late hours of the night is one a great option. If you have the time, drive it down a monstrous hill and do a donut at the bottom. By this time you should receive a phone call telling you to leave. Make sure to not name a school event a “bonanza’€it sounds outrageous and deters people from attending, flushing $1000 down the drain and creating very bad feelings all way round.

P.S. On second thought, be cautious of Senior girls, they may seem interested, but could be playing you like billiards. Be certain their huge former boyfriends are completely out of the pictures. Completely, and discretely ask your parents if your health insurnace includes something called “extended benefits+reconstructive surgery.

And if you are driving to school with your mom and try to flip someone off, watch the road ahead of you, because it could be the first of many expensive accidents to come. Remember, it’s not so much the accident as the paperwork.

Junior year is a year to go crazy. The stress level of work is at a maximum and you need to find appropriate intellectual outlets. Should you decide to revert to car gymnastics, be certain no judge is present. Sport is no fun without a gold, silver, or bronze medal.

Decide to go to an all out rager? Be careful of the company you bring. One thing may lead to another and next thing you know, your best friend is traumatized. (Under no circumstances attempt a walk across the Charles River; it doesn’t freeze.)

Stall when asking your dates to semi too early; either they will leave you or you will give your date the opportunity to stir up some drama. Find a younger girl who might be impressed by your car. (Rent a Porsche or blood-red Ferrari, Lotus in a pinch.)

Get accused of obsessional behavior by a friend’€it makes for good conversation. Borrow a Senior psych text, memorize a few bizarre terms and practice marginally odd behaviors. Practice scratchboard drawing, nothing has to be realistic, toss around words like ‘Ëœcreative,’ and ‘Ëœimaginative’ in public.

Senior year is a chance for absolute mayhem and so, understandably, there are more things to accomplish. Girls should avoid boys who write these kinds of columns.

Having 20 people in a basement is not a throw down, or a party, and should absolutely not be compared to legitimate parties. Arbitrary comments such as “I should be B.P.A. because I have people over must be avoided.

If you find that you get the opportunity to write a View from the Top, don’t waste it trying to trash excellence. It’s possible to write an award-winning, Big Buck$ novel while still in high school. Give it a try but if you rip it off you will be leaving Harvard faster than olive oil through a goose.

If you find yourself slumping and not wanting to deal with school, excuses are easy to manufacture and may, in fact, be added to your (late) college apps as ‘Ëœclever’ forms of supplementals.

And now for our final thoughts: Does it bother you the administration can and will close the Commons for any reason? Now you’re gaining wisdom. Simple payback, we have manufactured a long list of deviate behavior with only gentle punishment so it stands to reason a considerable balance remains outstanding.

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