It sure wasn’t supposed to come off this way, but ladies and gentlemen, we may just have the next great comedy of all time.
The Clash of The Titans employs almost everything needed to be a successful action movie: big set pieces, expensive looking animation, and of course, Sam Worthington’€hot off of his success from that obscure art house movie with blue people.
The story begins on a fishing boat with a mother, a father, and their newborn son who conveniently turns into Sam Worthington’€I mean Perseus.
In mere minutes, the parents are killed, and Worthington’€I mean Perseus’€is left by himself to travel to the city of Argos, where the citizens are fed up with the gods, and continually try to anger them by desecrating various statues.
Not surprisingly, this angers the gods on Mount Olympus, and they all confer about what to do. They aren’t able to decide until Hades pops up (not joking here, he literally pops up), and tells Zeus he would like to “be let loose on them.
The gods agree and send Hades to Argos. Once in Argos, Hades goes to the King’s palace, where Perseus is staying, and tells them that in ten days, Hades will release the Kraken on the city’€unless they sacrifice the Princess to the gods.
He also mentions that Perseus is the son of Zeus, making him the hottest commodity since silly putty.
The cities assemble a band of soldiers to get various weapons to kill the Kraken, and consequently set up the tension.
Sound good? I thought so, too! And it was, until the movie started.
The ridiculous sets and costumes made me wonder if one of the designers let his kid take the reigns on this project.
Zeus’ coat of armor was so shiny that the glint of the mettle permanently damaged my vision.
The inside of the palace at Argos is the most unconvincingly painted interior there ever was.
As if the movie couldn’t already be any worse, the action sequences and animation were also sub-par. Every action scene ended up turning into an incomprehensible blur.
The monsters employed throughout include giant scorpions, a Medusa and the Kraken.
Not one of these monsters was convincing’€let alone scary.
The only commendable elements of the movie were Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes.
Neeson has the right cockiness and charisma to be a convincing Zeus.
Fiennes hits all the right notes with his muffled and subdued rendering of the master of the Underworld.
What bothered me about these two actors, however, was this nagging question: after collaborating on Schindler’s List, why would these two choose to work together again on this film?
My final complaints involve Worthington. Ah, Worthington: the newly christened action king.
I did like him in Avatar, but Clash made me ask myself whether his role as a blue alien made him a better actor.
In Clash, he played a wooden and unconvincing Perseus, which makes me worry that Hollywood has accepted him as the “next big thing way too soon.
Rest assured, I did laugh a whole lot at this movie. By no means, however, is this a good film.
Was it a waste of the $11.50 that I spent on the ticket? Maybe, but it’s simply too ridiculously funny to pass up.
As a friend of mine put it, “This movie is just as funny as The Hangover, but The Hangover had better action scenes.