View from the Top: Jenn Mountain and Cora Visnick

By Cora Lee Visnick and Jen Mountain
Published: March 2010

Though our fellow twenty-ten-ers have done an excellent job thus far of showing all you little doobies the light, here are ten vital gems of high school knowledge that have been unknowingly overlooked. Never fear’€we are here to hold your hand. 1. Actually winning a superlative is sooo ’09. Placing a very close second’€one vote, but who’s counting’€is the new black. We’re not bitter¦ We claimed our own consolation prize: open invitation to every PDA event. That’s fair, guys, right? Hey Team: it’s still six or nothing. We’ll sneak you in the bathroom window.

2. Find that person you can coerce (via text message) to throw down every Saturday night so you don’t spend it sitting on your floor playing Bananagrams. Be sure to choose someone with a brain the size of a pea or he will uncover your scheme and for the duration of the year you undoubtedly will wind up sitting on your floor¦playing Bananagrams.

3. When your guidance counselor asks, “How’s it going? he’s not wondering about college. GCs are only human and they want to know just as much about your personal life as everyone else. So open up! Guidance counselors are not paid to give you relationship advice. This may seem to suggest that they are wholly unpracticed, but the beauty is in the paradox. Only a guidance counselor will be unblushingly honest about your love life. Only he will tell you to set your sights no lower than our very own varsity quarterback. Thank you, Lenny “Love Guru Libenzon.

4. Throw five consecutive themed parties over February break in order to forevermore claim the title: “The Man. Well deserved; we adore you.

5. Do not tell your Media Analysis teacher that you want to dress up as a terrorist on Halloween. It’s not funny. And she’s required to report things like that.

6. Become president of something. Join a club and go to every event, then snatch up that presidency spot when no one’s looking. Remember to advertise the club(s) in your Facebook status, and keep updating it constantly so it burns a hole in everyone’s newsfeed. (It’s well appreciated.) BTW: We hear Newton ASC is looking for some 2011 leadership¦ takers? It’s not about the college apps, promise!! [But if it were: start doing an obscure varsity sport (e.g. pole vault), score a senior column in the school paper, and take two languages, one of which must be Latin.] Do anything and everything to hold three, but more comfortably seven, presidencies. Remember’€anyone can be president.

7. Quit Latin.

8. If your dates/boyfriends want to request a song at Semi, let them do it. Don’t flatter yourself; it’s not in your honor anyway. Neither of our numbers are 6-7-8-triple-9-8-2-1-2. We get it. Dedicate “Kiss Me Thru the Phone to each other. K & C, we know this year you’ll step up. If you need some prom asking inspiration, you can borrow Cora’s season 1 of Laguna Beach.

9. Stop complaining how much you hate Newton and can’t wait to step out into the W-O-R-L-D. Newsflash: nowhere besides Disneyworld is any better and most likely you’ll wind up back here in 20 years telling your high-school-classmate-neighbor how much you value the excellent public school education the beautiful Garden City offers.

But thanks to the new 30 trillion dollar school we will be chillin’ in our beamers on the other side of Commonwealth Avenue where everything is red, white and ¦ green? So turn down that angsty teen music, step back, and appreciate.

10. Don’t keep your opinions bottled up. It may result in 67 friend requests accompanied by innumerable (not so) adoring messages, two weeks of peers whispering “racist as you pass them in the welcoming halls of South, two Facebook groups (thxguys<333), threats ensuring that the mob will in fact hunt you down, police involvement, a new South club (you guys weren’t thereeee!!!!!11), and finally a potential restorative “koom-by-yah circle to heal the scorching wounds. Just wear Birkenstocks to show you love all organisms and we promise you’ll survive this Japanese game show.

We expect that you take into account every word we have said cum grano salis and we wish you have smooth sailing along the rocky bottom of the food chain.

And remember, it only takes one night to become a legend, so shake the dust.

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