Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/denebolasandbox/denebola_2009/wp-includes/ms-load.php on line 113
Denebola » Article » View from the Top: Kevin Boecke and George Kaplan
Features

View from the Top: Kevin Boecke and George Kaplan

By Kevin Boecke and George Kaplan
Published: April 2009

Salutations, Newton South. It is I, Kevin Boecke (or the unnamed lion mascot). My first order of business is to address all underclassmen who have already recognized my mascot duty and feel the need to bombard me with juvenile greetings every chance they get.

Please stop. The next person who yells “Hi, Mr. Lion! down the hall will receive a swift kick in the teeth, no questions asked.

Okay, then. Now that that’s our of the way – my next order of business:
Haaaaave ya met George?

Hi. I’m George. Unless you and I have engaged in an afternoon “jam sesh or taken a weeknight trip to Anna’s together, chances are you don’t know me as well as you know my most school-spirited friend. No worries, though. It’s cool.

We still have plenty of time to bro out together at one point or another, (you know: sunglasses, Juice Newton, Lady Lion soccer games with a small, tan, cigar-bearing man).

Most “View From the Top articles tell you all what you’re so good at doing wrong and how much better ’09 is than you. We’re going to try a different approach.

Instead of continuing to bang into your heads that it’s not cool to cruise down Brandeis at 85, blasting Lil’ Wayne, we’re instead going to lend you some knowledge from firsthand experience about how to have the best personality at Newton South.

-When it comes to picking your friends, don’t be a social climber. Pick friends who appear to have little to offer to the typical South “bro, but when given a chance, will bend over backwards for you. Just remember that when they decide to “surpass you, they’re wrong, and you just have to let them go and be better off for it.

- A person is only as cool as their name sounds in reverse. Or as their nickname sounds being chanted 796,000 over again.

-When it comes to mixing and matching your outfits: don’t bother. Any pair of Nike’s will do just fine, but really, who wears shoes these days anyway? Summer feet are almost in season. Also, jeans and a sports-tee or a sweatshirt/North Face, if it gets chilly, will suffice to utter perfection. Basketball shorts are a must have for casual summer days, but don’t even bother if your legs are not shielded by a thick layer of wolverine-esque fur.

-Make sure that shaving your face is a top priority. You are squat until you can grow a beard Chuck Norris would be proud of in 15 hours or fewer. If you don’t have an 11 o’clock shadow, forget about it.

-If they haven’t already, you will soon find that more and more of your friends are getting their licenses and receiving super special cars that mommy and daddy paid for. Never forget, though, that you can just as easily find yourself getting from point A to point B in your mom’s Corolla as in your buddy’s Beamer.

-You don’t always have to be the biggest party animal, but even if you’re shy, make sure to always jam harder than anyone¦especially when you think that no one is looking.

-Finally, whether you’re watching the game comfortably, reclining in front of a 74-inch plasma TV or crouched 2.5 feet away, clean-shaven and freshly showered, from a 12 inch Panasonic, UNC still beats Michigan State, and you still took your bookie for 50 dollars.

Speaking of betting on sports, well, this one may be the key to the whole deal. If you so choose, you can occupy your thoughts (that should be on so many other more important things) by simply gambling on sporting events that you may never see on SportsCenter.

Any mush is looking to bet big bucks on the Superbowl, but it takes a unique gambling fanatic to put $15 down on BU covering the spread over Binghamton.

Above all else, live simple, keep in mind that the opposite sex is overrated, and ALWAYS remember to study hard in Senior English. You’ll be sad if you don’t.

Yamas.

Read more

Like it? Share it!

Print

Copyright © Denebola | The Official School Newspaper of Newton South High School | 140 Brandeis Road, Newton, MA 02459.
Site designed by Chenzhe Cao.