View from the Top: Phil Madden

By Denebola
Published: September 2008

den_09242008_b005.bmpI would like to begin by introducing myself. I am a big, tough senior. If you do not already know me, there is a simple explanation: you are not cool enough for me to waste my time with. I drive a 1996 Honda Civic with 150,000 miles, and I have a tattoo on my shoulder blade. I walk with a strut because I know I’m the man.

Now that you know all about me, let’s talk about you. You will never be as cool as I am. Unless you’re a cute girl who would like to get to know me (in the biblical sense), I probably don’t even want to know your name. If you are an incoming freshman: welcome, I hope you get lost and never find your way home.

To be honest, I am truly jealous of all of you sophomores.  You are all lucky members of the cutest, most attractive grade at Newton South…

Juniors, I think your grade parties harder than we do. I respect that, but I hope you all fail the SATs.

Lastly, a note to all seniors: I am a judge for the senior scavenger hunt.

All jokes aside, I have suffered through three years of Newton South education, and I would like to offer you my six commandments. These six points are crucial pearls of wisdom I have picked up along my long journey to the top.

First, attend all of your wellness classes. No one wants to be “that senior who is stuck in four wellness classes in order to graduate.

Second, do not fail any of your classes. I know the thought of being the badass who went to summer school and started chain-smoking Marlboro Reds is an appealing one, but it is not worth it.

Third, do not physically escort police officers out of your house. You may be genuinely convinced that they have no right to be there, but the fact of the matter is you’re probably wrong.

I also promise that swearing at them and pushing them out your front door will do little to improve the situation.

Fourth, if you have a thing for a girl who happens to have a twin, do not settle for the other twin after striking out with the first. In addition, do not attempt to switch back after making this mistake.

Fifth, if you ever turn around after making a purchase at Newton Corner Mart to find your athletics coach staring you in the face, think of something better to say than “how’s it going¦

Sixth, when you get your license, do not drive 60 miles per hour down Brandeis blasting Lil’ Wayne with the windows down. Believe me, you’re not as cool as Evan Goldberg.

As a freshman, four years seems like an eternity, but it goes by faster than you can imagine. You have four wonderful years of parents, curfews, lame parties, and girls with braces ahead of you, so enjoy it while it lasts.

Next year, when I am in college having the time of my life, I am positive I will remember all of the amazing experiences I had at South and wish I could come back and do it all over again!

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