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View from the Top

By Denebola
Published: November 2007
By Maor Cohen and Ethan SachsFirst, we will introduce ourselves. Maor, the stylish one of the duo, enjoys pickling radishes. Ethan is tall.
Our high school experience can be summed up by Rita Rudner’s immortal quotation: “Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love, though I’d stepped in it a few times.”
We would just like to start off by saying last weekend was pretty mediocre. On Friday night we watched the Celtics, and on Saturday night we watched Boston College lose.
The chances are probably good that you, regardless of grade, had more fun. We wouldn’t be confident that next weekend will be the same, but it’s a distinct possibility.
As we commence this article, we just want you to know that we have no younger men to call out for stealing our girls, so there will be no subtle jabs against specific people.
We would now like to dish out a little bit of advice to each class…
Freshmen, if you plan on joining a sport, join a slightly less popular one, like volleyball or wrestling€”especially if you are 215ish pounds and muscular. Also, be a mensch, press the bench. Work out in the off-season.
Sophomores, backwards, your class name is seromohpos. Deal with it. We all did.
Juniors, don’t you get all hot and bothered about your homework and those SATs. If you’re smart, you’ll do well; if you’re not, you won’t. By now, it’s no mystery where you stand.
Seniors, it’s been so amazing getting to intimately know each and every one of you over these past three years. The friendships and bonds we have formed will last a lifetime. We feel so gifted to have been a part of this astoundingly unique and diverse grade. Each one of you brings his or her own personal spice to the vat of Bok Choy that is the class of ’08. Once there were these two men, one had a lot of friends; the other had a lot of money. The guy with many friends was happier. Remember that.
To begin, high school has its ups and downs. We would like to share a foolproof method for getting through those cold and bitter nights:
1. Hunt a deer and flay it.
2. Marinate about three pounds of venison meat with Worcestershire sauce and honey mustard.
3. Put some sautéed onions, mushrooms, and green peppers in a pot with the venison.
4. Add two Bay leaves.
5. Cook for about 45 minutes on high heat.
If that does not solve whatever problem you are having, try killing more furry woodland creatures.
Foremost, here is a list of things to do while in high school:

1. At least once, rent all the seasons of Will and Grace and have your own “snow day.”
2. Get kicked out of the library one or two times (per week).
3. Learn the difference between a hypotenuse and a hypothalamus.
4. For one entire day, call all your teachers sensei. For example: “Your hair looks really great today, Covarrubias Sensei.”
5. Swim in the fourth floor pool. LA-WL!!1!!!one!!!!!11!!!!!!!eleven!
6. Be punctual to class everyday.
There is nothing more frustrating for teachers than starting a lesson, only to have some students saunter in long after the bell has rung. Remember that passing time is a privilege, not a right.

On a serious note, we would like to share a quotation from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. “Life goes by pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

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